Perception
by AdmHawthorne
Summary: A confrontation regarding regulations turns into a realization about realities. You'll love it, I promise.
1. Chapter 1

**I want you all to know that I had serious help with writing Maura here from a person who would prefer to remain anonymous. Though I'd love to give them direct credit, I'm following their wishes here. So, about half of this isn't mine. I'm still learning the Maura character, but I think I'm getting closer thanks to help from my silent partner. I'll update this more later. It was quite a lot to lay down right now. Normally, my installments are only 1,200 words long. This one is over 3K!**

**Please review me on this one. I'm struggling, and it would be really helpful for me.  
**

**The characters aren't mine. If they were, they'd be married by now...**

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Jane walked into the morgue with a folder in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. With a determined gait, she made her way to Dr. Isle's desk. Her crisp steps alerted the other woman to a possible confrontation; it was clearly Jane's angry walk. As Jane stopped in front of Maura's desk, the blonde winced slightly as she continued to look at her computer screen. She wasn't sure what the issue was, but it was clear from Jane's posture that the detective was not happy.

"Maura," the brunette angrily tossed the folder in her hand on the desk in front of the doctor. "What the hell is this? How can you turn me in to the Brass for pulling my gun on that kid? He was about to attack you. What was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to wait until he actually hurt you?"

Maura finally looked away from her screen. She tried for her best pleasant face despite being startled by Jane's abruptness. "Of course not, but legally, whenever an officer of the law is obligated to draw a weapon, this constitutes a drawn weapon incident report. Hence the name," She gave Jane her best reassuring smile. "The man was about to attack me, and, because that was the case, you were without fault. Therefore, me reporting your actions," she paused in midsentence and tilted her head as she gave a quick side thought, "Which you should have done yourself, Jane." She frowned slightly. "The report could not cause you any harm. Following the rules is its own defense in this instance. I believe your anger is misdirected toward me."

"Maura," Jane let out a grunt of frustration. "I can't believe you sometimes. _I'm_ the detective. You know, _I'm_ the cop here. You don't have to tell _me_ about rules and regulations. I _enforce_ the law. I get it, okay?" She ran a hand over her face. "But, this kid was desperate, and he was hungry. I didn't file a report because I didn't arrest him, and I didn't arrest him because that's not what he needed. What he needed was food in his stomach and a warm place to sleep. That's why I took him to the shelter." The brunette threw her arms up in the air in frustration. "You were there. How could you not… sometimes rules have to bent, Maura. Jail wasn't what that kid needed. How can you not get that?"

Maura's face fell, and Jane could see tears start in her eyes. She ground her teeth. A crying Maura was not what she had in mind when she started her trip down to the morgue. "Oh," the doctor's response felt small to Jane, like a child who had gotten in trouble and was now trying to not make it worse. "I… Jane, I thought you had arrested him. He needed to be arrested. Please don't be upset for me saying so," the detective stood still, glaring at the blonde as the smaller woman rushed through her thoughts. Her eyes followed the other woman's movements as Maura stood up to place a hand on Jane's arm. But, at the last minute, the doctor pulled back as if afraid Jane might do something to her hand. Jane wasn't sure she wouldn't. "He can leave a shelter any time he wants and be back on the street. He would be hungry, cold, and even more desperate than before. But, if he's in jail, that young man would be indoors in a warm, relatively safe place all night long, and he'll receive dinner and breakfast. It's not ideal, I know, but at least he would be inside with warmth, food, and medical attention." She glanced down at her hands. "Did you see those sores on his hand, Jane? He needs a doctor. Juvenile detention requires a medical examination and care within the first twenty-four hours. However, shelters don't have enough doctors or nurses to go around." She sighed. "Jane, please don't be angry with me."

Jane paced a small path in front of the medical examiner's desk as she tried to reign in some of her anger. "I'm not angry at you, Maura. I'm angry at the situation. Jails are too crowded already, and most of the kids that get put in there come out worse than before they went in. They fall in with the wrong crowd that teaches them everything they _shouldn't_ be doing. Jails don't really rehabilitate. Jails just make them better at being bad. It's like college for bad guys." She signed heavily as she paced. "Jails just keep the bad guys from getting to the public, and they don't even do that completely. I mean, look at what Hoyt's been able to do from jail." She stopped pacing and looked over at the blonde. "I know the people that run that shelter. When I went off while you were yacking with that gardening guy, I went to talk to one of them to see about getting that kid a job." The detective put a hand on her hip as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Geeze, Maura, don't you think I understand how the world works? I wasn't born with a silver spoon. I know what it's like to grow up on the streets."

Jane watched as Maura tried to stop her lower lip from quivering. She could tell she had just said something that had hurt the doctor's feelings, but she wasn't sure if it was the issue with the gun report or her last statement. She hadn't meant for that to come out the way it had. But, she was still mad at Maura, and she didn't really want to apologize for it yet. She stood by the desk, looking down at the blonde who was trying so hard not to cry, and she just needed to know why this other woman was about to spring a leak. As she watched, Maura's face went from quivering mess to something else. She couldn't put her finger on it, but she was pretty sure Maura was coming to some sort of resolution in her head. The brunette narrowed her eyes at the doctor. "Why are you looking at me like that?" She took a step closer. "Maura? Talk to me."

Despite herself, the tears came, and the doctor didn't bother try to keep them from coming anymore. She closed her eyes as she tried to answer the request. "Because, what I did may have hurt the boy more than help him, and I didn't even have the sense to realize it," she replied with a sniffle. She grabbed a tissue and futilely dabbed at the tears. "I didn't think through the consequences of my actions. I was thinking of myself and my assailant, and of following rules I understand. I wasn't thinking of someone who needed my help."

"Don't cry," Jane rushed to her friend's side. She could feel the panic in her chest at the sight of the tears falling down Maura's face. "I'm sorry. I was being a jerk. I didn't really mean it. I understand why you did it." She placed a reassuring hand on the doctor's shoulder as she knelt down to be eye level with the seated woman. "Hey, it'll be okay. I got my ass chewed, but the kid's not in jail. The Brass said he's better off where I put him anyway. They just weren't happy that a formal report from the chief medical examiner hit their desk about something one of their senior detectives hadn't reported." Jane gave Maura's shoulder a light squeeze before pulling her hand back to let it rest lightly on the blonde's knee. "He's working in the soup kitchen downtown today. I managed to get someone out to take care of his hand last night, and I got him an interview at a grocery store tomorrow. He'll be okay." She lowered her head to meet the doctor's eyes. After taking a moment to watch the woman in front of her, she tilted her head to the side in consideration. "Maura, what aren't you telling me?"

The medical examiner cringed as her best friend backpedalled. She looked down at her hands as she began her list. "I am in a state of metabolic distress characterized by mild nausea, shortness of breath, anxiety, tremulousness, elevated heart rate, mild perspiration, light tachycardia..."

"Maura, enough with the google talk." Jane gave a contrite snort. "Why do you always do that?" She shook her head and handed the blonde another tissue. "Can't you just tell me what's going on in that genus head of yours instead of giving me a list of stuff I can't even spell let alone know what all of it is?" She rolled her eyes. "Something else is bothering you besides me being a jerk, isn't it? Look, if it's about the kid, he'll be fine, and the Brass didn't even write me up. They said it wasn't worth the paperwork. So, everything's going to be fine. I was just angry because I felt like you went behind my back." Jane stood up to lean against Maura's desk. "I should have known better by now. You never do anything without a reason." She blew out a stream of air. "Even if that reason is kind of jacked up."

Maura sniffled again. "I don't like it when you're upset with me."

Jane let out a small groan. "I already told you I'm not angry with you. Like I said, I was pissed about the situation. You know how much I hate getting called in with the Brass. It's like going to the principal's office." The detective reached down to pick up the folder she'd thrown down earlier. "You probably have no idea what that's like. I bet you were perfect in school." She chuckled. "Teacher's pet." With a quick motion, she opened the folder and flipped through a few pages. "You know, I didn't even come down here to talk to you about that. That was something that happened on the way. I don't know why I even brought it up." She looked down into the face of her still sniffling friend. "I hate it when you cry." She set the opened folder down on the desk. "I came down here to ask you about these." Jane pointed to a picture of black Jimmy Choo high-heeled shoes. "I should have let the other go." She shrugged. "It doesn't matter anyway."

The doctor went from upset to puzzled. "No," she tentatively agreed with Jane, "I was never punished in school." She furrowed her brow in confusion. "You're… not mad at me?" At the brunette's look of irritation, she moved on. "What about the shoes, Jane?"

"No, Maura, I'm not mad at you. Well, not anymore anyway," the detective frowned as she looked down at the picture. "I was thinking about getting that pair of shoes." Jane gave a quick glance up at the bewildered woman next to her. "You know, to go with that black dress Ma bought me? You remember it, right?" Jane shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "There's this formal thing coming up for the precinct that I have to go to, and I have to wear something nice. I figured the dress would work, but the last time I wore it you told me my shoes were," she looked up for a moment as she tried to remember Maura's exact words, "You said I was 'improperly coordinated' or something like that. So, I thought I'd get new shoes." She squirmed a little in her chair. "What do you think?"

Maura hesitated a moment as she reached out to pick up the folder. She gazed at the picture for a moment. Jane was certain there was look of longing on her friend's face as she watched the ME trace a finger along the line of the arch and heel of the shoe. Maura signed. "Beautiful arch. Three and a half inch heel, not too high. A pointed toe, not a problem for you since your feet are so delicate and narrow. Low toe cleavage, very fine. Hmm…" She tilted her head to the side and turned to glance down at Jane's lower legs. "Lift up your pant legs, Jane. I want to look at your calves, and stand on your toes. Those flats, while practical, don't show what you'll look like in a good heel."

"Are you serious?" Jane's eyes grew wide. "I just wanted to know what you thought about the shoes, Maura. You've seen me in heels before." She watched the unflinching look on the doctor's face. With an over exaggerated sigh, the detective stood up, pulling up the legs of her pants as she turned away from the watching blonde. "I can't' believe I'm doing this." She stood up on her toes. "If any of the guys walk in, we're testing out theories on something having to do with a case, and you'd better not be checking out my ass while you're back there."

The blonde smiled brightly. "Actually, you do want me to check out your… rear end. Heels have not only the effect of placing extra pressure on the toes and the balls of the feet. They also exaggerate the arch, focus and restrict ankle movement, tighten the lower calf, accentuate the musculature in the upper calf, and have similarly striking effects all the way up the back of the thigh and gluteus maximus. The ideal heel, in fact, showcases the derriere even more than the leg. Turn, please? Just a little more to your left." She flipped her fingers in a little circle in the air, to show Jane how far to go. "Also, lower your heels a little. You're standing directly on tiptoe, which is unrealistic. A three and a half inch heel wouldn't have nearly that much influence. Once you're at the right height, your lower back shouldn't be carrying nearly as much stress as it is right now."

"Great," Jane grumbled as she made the slow turn. "All I need is for someone to walk in here while my best friend is checking out my ass." She tried her best to adjust her height as Maura had instructed. "How long do I have to stand like this?" She tried her best not to squirm, but the position was uncomfortable, and she was nervous someone would walk in on them. "Come on, Maura. I can't stand like this all day. I have things to do."

"Why are you so impatient with people who notice your body?" Maura asked as she continued to assess Jane. "Oh, all right, you can go back down now. I've seen what I need in order to judge fairly. Not only would those shoes look appropriate with that dress, but they would look absolutely stunning on you, and do all the right things for you. In fact, if I were you, I'd shave my legs that day." She gave Jane a grin.

Jane plopped down in the chair by Maura's desk. "I'm a cop, not a... a fashion model. I'm not here for some teenage boy to drool over. I'm here to bust his ass if he does something stupid." She ran a hand through her hair. "You know, on second thought, this was a dumb idea. Besides, Ma would have a fit if she knew I'd spent that much on a pair of shoes." Jane quickly grabbed the folder and stood up. "Thanks anyway, Maura. I think I'll just wear a suit." She turned to head toward the elevators.

Maura swiftly grabbed Jane's wrist, keeping her from leaving. "Jane, wait. Don't go. Please, sit and talk to me." She motioned for them both to sit. Once they were settled, she took Jane's hands in her own and looked the other woman in the eye. "You're one of Boston's best detectives. You're bright and accomplished, knowledgeable, tenacious. There's nothing left for you to prove, is there? Everyone knows that you're a cop. Don't you, just once in a while, want to be a woman, too?" She paused, realizing how what she just said might have sounded. "I don't mean necessarily the kind of woman who's frilly and soft like me. Nor, I suppose, the kind of woman who creates warmth and family even when people don't always appreciate it, like your mother. But don't you sometimes want to be the kind of woman you are, and not always the kind of cop you are?" She leaned slightly forward, toward the detective. "Jane, I know I can't really speak from a lot of experience when it comes to human interaction, but I honestly believe that you're missing out on an entire avenue of life that you'd do well to explore. I don't like knowing that you're not having something so vital, so necessary, in your life."

Jane pulled away from Maura and stood up. "Maura, you don't understand. It's not that easy. It's not that black and white. Being a cop... being a _female_ cop means having to constantly prove myself. There's no downtime. The guys, they have it easy. They get in one or two good arrests, and everyone thinks they're great. But, I have to _keep_ getting good arrests. I have to keep showing I can hold my own. Otherwise, they start asking if my hormones or whatever are getting in the way. It's not fair. It's not accurate. It's just the way it is. As a woman, I _have_ to constantly prove myself just to keep up." She shook her head as if to clear it. "It doesn't matter how good I am, it'll never be good enough if they start seeing me as just another chick." She tossed the folder in the trashcan by Maura's desk. "I stopped worrying about the kind of woman I am when I decided I wanted to be a good cop." In an almost unconscious move, Jane rested her thumbs over the top of her belt. "Cop first, woman somewhere else down the line. That's just how it is."

Maura narrowed her eyes at Jane. "You can't really think so little of yourself, my friend. Will you stop making arrests if you wear a dress to a social event? Do you think that wearing a pair of strappy sandals will stop you from being able to make deductions? Jane, I do understand that some people's minds will completely shut down at the sight of you in certain attire, but _your_ mind will still work. No matter what you're wearing, you will still be one of the best homicide detectives that this city has ever been honored to have on its team."

"I think the clothes make the man." Jane grunted at Maura's look. She was clearly about to correct the brunette. "Okay, in this case the woman, and the last thing I want to do is remind the guys that I'm a girl. Trust me, Maura, it'll... it'll just be bad, okay?" She frowned as she again pushed her hair from her face. "It's not about how good I am. It's about how good _they_ think I am, and, whether you like it or not, a lot of that is based on how I look. If I dressed like you every day, no one would take me seriously. You can do it because you're not a cop. Being on the force means having to give up certain things. One of those things is strappy heels." Jane gave a slight shrug. "Can we just forget the whole thing? It's getting late. Why don't we go grab a bite to eat or something?"

"You came downstairs to ask me about fashion," Maura slowly began. "When I gave you my opinion about the shoes, you rejected my advice." Again, she paused. "Something I said caused you to resist. What was it, Jane? Did I say something wrong? Have I made you afraid? Did I make you angry again?" The doctor stood and reached for her friend. "Whatever it was, I'm sorry. You have nothing to be afraid of, and I'm sorry if I've angered you again."

Jane crossed her arms over her stomach and glanced down at the floor. "Rollie Pollie Rizzoli."

"Oh, sweetie, no," Maura breathed, "You are not… look at me, Jane. You are not Rollie Pollie Rizzoli. Do you want to know how the rest of us see you? The ones who aren't you, who don't live in your head with you? No, don't argue, because I'm going to tell you anyway." She took a moment to make certain Jane was listening to her. You are intelligent enough to have been accepted to BCU without spending a fortune on extra tutors to help you. You're a good enough detective to be the first woman that Boston took a chance on, which means that unlike most women, who only have to be twice as good as a man to get recognition, you were probably worth any _four_ other detectives in Homicide. You are so caring that you took in a stray dog, even though you have a mild allergy to her, just because your former partner asked you to give Joe Friday a home. And as if all that weren't enough, I've said it before and I'll say it again, you are gorgeous." Maura kept her eyes on Jane as she reached toward the mirror on her desk. "Even someone who doesn't know all of those other wonderful things about you would be drawn to you, Jane. Look at yourself. Really look. Try to see what everyone else already knows. You're so much more than a pretty face... but you _are_ a pretty face, and a very... exquisite body, too. Not that you're just something for a teenager to drool over, but I'm certain that they, or anyone else, would produce excess saliva. Trust me, I know." She set the mirror aside. "Jane, you're the person that designers hope will wear their clothes. You're..." Maura fell silent. The entire vocabulary of Doctor Maura Isles, walking google, was not enough to describe Jane Rizzoli.


	2. Chapter 2

**My silent partner and I are working on the next part right now, so don't please don't kill me for stopping right there. I know I'd kill me if I was reading this and a chapter stopped right there. But, I promise, it'll be worth the wait.**

**Honest!**

**Please feed me my crack. My ego is inspired by reviews.  
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"I'm what, Maura?" The detective blinked a few times as she shifted her weight. "What am I, exactly?"

Maura lowered her hear and looked through the curtain of her eyes. With a gentle sigh, she replied, "Matchless."

Jane snorted; it was a humorless sound. "I bet you say that to all the detectives." She rolled her eyes. "You know, there are plenty of women out there that are a lot prettier than I am. You make it sound like I'm some sort of… of…I don't know," the brunette winced slightly. "You make it sound like I'm some sort of super model or something." She dropped her arms and walked over to the counter. With small grunt of frustration, she leaned against it. "Honestly, Maura, I think it would just be better if I went with the suit. I'll be more comfortable, and it'll keep the guys from calling me 'Princess'. I really hate when they do that." She blew out a stream of air as she settled more against the counter. "Besides, me wearing a dress would really make Ma happy, and you know how much I hate to make Ma happy. I think I'd rather go with pants just to annoy her." She looked away from the intense look the doctor was giving her. "You know, just to keep things normal?"

The blonde reached out to touch Jane's forearm, resting there to try to calm Jane's clearly frazzled nerves. She gave a nod and gentle smile. "Are you looking for shoes to go with your dress, or a pant suit to go with that beautiful pair of shoes? The right formal pant suit would be just as beautiful as the dress, albeit in a different way. I think you're right to focus on clothing that will make you feel good. If you don't feel good, you won't look your best."

The brunette looked down at Maura's hand for a long moment. "I'm sorry, Maura." She reached up to place her own hand on top of the doctor's. "I know you're only trying to help. I just have problems when people tell me things like that." She gave the hand under hers a squeeze. "Thank you for saying that. It was really nice of you… even if I think it's a load." She gave a genuine smile to her own self-depreciating joke. "I think I should wear a dress. It's a formal even. But, I don't want to wear that one Ma got me. It shows too much, you know? I also think I can't afford those shoes." She gave a resigned sigh." I don't really know what I was thinking." She shrugged. "Wishful thinking, I guess." She pulled Maura's hand down but kept hold of it. "Will you help me? I'm not good at this kind of thing. I mean, you're the pretty one with the fashion sense. She glanced away again. "I'm just the tomboy with the gun."

Maura gave Jane's hand a little squeeze, not letting go but not holding on either. She simply allowed the contact to continue or end as it would. She glanced down at the magazine again. "Yes, you are a 'tomboy with a gun'. You're a lot more things, too, and I hope eventually you'll be at ease with seeing those other aspects of yourself. But, for right now, let's adhere to your current comfort zone. Why don't we focus on figuring out what you'd consider an ideal look for the way you see yourself and then worry about how to achieve it? The best thing to do is dress in a way that will allow you to feel confident and at home within the clothes."

"I don't suppose a gunny sack would be appropriate?" Jane watched Maura's head turn quickly to regard her. "Yeah, I didn't think so." In an absentminded gesture, she began to run circles over the back of the doctor's hand with her thumb as she thought about Maura's suggestion. "I don't know. Normally, you or Ma just buys me something when it's about time for something like this." She frowned for a moment, lost in thought. "Hey, Maura, why is that? I didn't think about it before, but you're the only other person I can think of that buys me clothes and actually knows what size I wear." She tiled her head to the side and narrowed her eyes. "How do you even know what size I wear? I'm pretty sure I've never told you, and you always buy the stuff when I'm not around."

Maura turned her hand upward to allow Jane's thumb to run across her palm, fingers spreading in silent permission. Her eyes half closed for a few long seconds, lost in the sensation of Jane's light caresses. "I… Well, Jane, I am a doctor as well as a lover of good craftsmanship in clothing. I understand how the body is put together, how it works."

"How the body is put together?" Jane slowly turned her head to the other side as she continued to hold Maura's hand. "Maura," she hesitated for a moment, not sure she really wanted to ask. "What are we really talking about here?"

The doctor leaned against the desk behind her. The smile she had turned tenuous as her hand closed on Jane's thumb. She winced as she glanced down at her skirt and picked a few pieces of lint that Jane couldn't see from it. "You know I can't lie, Jane. The best protection I can give you is ambiguity."

Jane stared at their joined hands as she chewed lightly on her bottom lip. The indecision on which direction she wanted to go was evident as she continued to look at their hands. "you know, most of the time," she began quietly. It was almost a whisper. "I don't even realize when I'm touched you? It just sort of happens." She kept her eyes downcast as she let her thoughts flow out. "And you're the only person who gets to touch my hands. I don't really know why. Well," She looked up into Maura's eyes. "That's not true. I do know why, but I guess I just hadn't worked out all the details on it." The brunette pulled in a deep breath. "I don't like ambiguity, Maura. I'm a detective. It makes me a little crazy not to know the details." She gave a weak smile. "Tell me the truth." Jane bit her lip again. "Please?"

Maura drew her gaze down to their still entangled hands. She lifted them, placing her other hand against the other side of Jane's so that she was holding that one hand in both of hers. She began to gently message the hand in hers. "I tend to focus on small things, tiny details like stitching, weave, cut, design," she said after a due consideration, fingers gently kneading Jane's palms and fingers around on the scarred area, the area that she knew tensed and pained the detective when it was cold or the weather was about to shift. She glanced down at their lower bodies, which were close enough to almost touch, thighs so near they could feel one another's skin warmth. "Things like the exact length of a limb, the circumference of a torso at various points, the angle at which spine and hip join. If I'm paying attention, there is very little mystery that the human body can withhold from me."

Jane closed her eyes to simply enjoy the feeling Maura's touch elicited. She let her mind drift as she allowed herself to feel the closeness of the blond to her and the peace of mind the other woman seemed to always give just by being near. "Maura," she gently breathed out the doctor's name. "How long do you think we can keep this up?" She opened her eyes to give the other woman a pleading look, a look filled with a need she rarely acknowledged she had. "What does your attention to detail say about us? About our relationship? Tell me, Maura, what is it you think we're talking about when we talk about what type of women we were like _if_ we liked women or when we discuss how attractive we think the other is?" She frowned. "We're skirting the real issue here, aren't we?"

"God knows I've tried," Maura sighed, eyes closing again, chin rising to allow her own name's caress on her neck, carried on Jane's breath. She leaned slightly backward as she reached for Jane's waist to pull the woman closer. "It's very hard for the body to lie about what it wants, but it's easy for the body to say things that aren't supported in the mind. I've extended myself before, ruined what I'd thought were close friendships by believing that pupil dilation and vasocgestion indicated emotion. They don't; they just indicate a physical response to stimuli. I've offered, and given, and then been told that I was a mistake. Don't ask me to do that again, Jane." Her eyes opened again showing all the intense emotion she normally kept in check. "I can't be a mistake to you."

Jane swallowed as her mind registered Maura's hand resting on her waist. It took her a few blinks of her eyes to realize what Maura had just told her. "A mistake? No, Maura, you're not a mistake. You could never be a mistake for me." She placed her free hand against the blonde's cheek. "Anyone who would say that or think that didn't deserve you anyway. You deserve better than that."


	3. Chapter 3

**This is it, folks. Hope you enjoyed it. My silent partner and I had a blast. Thanks for reading it.  
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**Please feed me my crack. My ego is inspired by reviews, and my silent partner is flattered by them.  
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With a catch in her throat, Maura lifted her eyes from Jane's lips. She finally looked back into Jane's coffee-brown eyes, noting the minutely dilated pupils she'd seen so often there, just like her own whenever she faced a bathroom mirror after one of their epic staring sessions. Absently her mind also catalogued a facial tension that spoke not of stress, but of finely tuned attention. There were no distractions, no ringing phones, no coworkers barging in to demand autopsy results, no conversations of cases, bodies, yoga, sports, food, Jane's family, or Maura's self-sabotaged attempts at dating. There was only the two of them. For her, there was nothing but Jane's eyes, Jane's face, Jane's hands, Jane's heated proximity to her. Jane was pressing her the same way she did when interrogating a witness who was cresting over indecision and about to give the detective everything she was asking for. The way Maura was, in fact, teetering right then, about to give in to that same urge to give Jane whatever she wanted. For once, Maura had been faced with someone who could face all of her, and not mock or run or need her to dim herself down at all. Jane could it all.

As they so often did, Maura's eyes took on that extra starry sheen of wetness, but this time the tears didn't spill out of social awkwardness or hurts inflicted. This time there was just too much happening inside, and some of it had to come out. Her cheek tilted into Jane's strong, soft, scarred hand. When had she come to feel that that was the only way a hand should ever feel on her face? And when had she decided that no matter who had rejected her before, how much it had hurt, she was still willing to give it one more try with the one person who could hurt her most if it happened again? Jane could take it. Jane could withstand it. Maura exhaled, upper body tension flooding away with a shudder as she pulled herself up towards Jane.

Damn the consequences.

Jane ran her thumb over the doctor's cheek as she watched Maura's emotions run across her face. She waited, wanting to know where all of this was going. Her lips parted slightly as she felt Maura lean toward her. She breathed out slowly. "Maura..." It was a question. It was a pleading request. It was raw emotion wrapped in the name of the woman before her.

That voice, that husky voice, saying her name. Maura's hazel eyes half-lidded, spine stretched, back arched ever so slightly to push her torso closer to the lankier woman, she let out a shaky breath. She needed to get closer to Jane, to feel Jane. With her hands already on Jane's face, she ran one silk-stockinged foot up the back of Jane's calf, the fabric friction whispering softly in the silence. She stiffened, breath halting. "I..." she squeaked, and then no more words came.

Their lips met. Soft, feminine lips, offering rather than taking, pleasing rather than conquering. If this was what it felt like to kiss a woman, Maura thought, no wonder so many men walked around swaggering like kings.

Jane wrapped her arms around Maura's waist, pulling them as tightly together as she could. She moaned at the feel of Maura's leg wrapped around hers, of Maura's hands on her face, of Maura's mouth on hers. Gently, carefully, they pulled back. "God," Jane whispered into the electric quiet. "How long have we been wanting to do that?" She leaned down to nuzzle her face against the soft skin of the other woman's neck. "And why did we wait so long?"

"Sh," whispered the blonde between one kiss and the next. For once, the verbose doctor did not retreat behind words, preferring to communicate in the way that she and Jane had never gotten wrong between them. Speech had sometimes failed them. It had sometimes brought them to misunderstandings, but their nonverbal communications had always been flawless. Just this once, the blonde gave Jane something she couldn't possibly mistake for anything else.

How long?

Just long enough.

Their kisses became more insistent, more frantic. Maura's breathing grew ragged and erratic, delighted little gasps coming faster, and her body pressing closer, tighter to Jane's. She suddenly broke off, the rest of her frozen in place, while her head pulled back to show an expression of equal parts desire and panic. She stuttered, no longer the impossibly facile speaker. "J... I...N-no-no-no, J-Jane," she rasped, voice breaking like a teenaged boy's, "stop. Don't move." The last word cut down the middle with a squeak in the back of her throat. But even while calling a halt, Maura's hands didn't leave Jane, still clutched at Jane's shoulder blades, holding her close rather than pushing away in the least.

The brunette sighed heavily as she tried to regain some self-control. "Maura, I have no idea what we're doing here." Ordinarily, with something like this, the sudden stop would have angered the detective, caused her to pull away. But, this was different. This was completely new territory, and her instincts told her not to behave as she would normally. "But, I don't think I want to stop." She laced her fingers together so her arms formed a circle around Maura, keeping the smaller woman pinned against her. "Do you?" She leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss below the smaller woman's ear before quietly whispering, "I don't think you do."

Eventually the blonde's breathing slowed and her body relaxed. "I don't," she agreed with a long sigh of relief, "but I do need to slow down." Maura bowed her head, resting her forehead against Jane's collarbone to give them both a respite from all that suddenness. With another slow exhalation, she composed herself, lifted her face, calmed once more, towards her future lover's. "You're not some random male I met over a dead body. As much as I want to rush towards satiety," a blush ran across the doctor's features, "you're so very worth taking my time."

Jane simply nodded. "I don't want to rush this either." She closed her eyes as she tried to focus on what, exactly, she was trying to say. "I want to do this right." With great effort, Jane gently pulled them apart so that there was space between them. "So, let's start like we're supposed to. What do you say? Go out with me?"

With the distance, Maura finally seemed like Maura again, composed and collected, albeit much warmer than she would appreciate anyone else seeing her look. Even so, she wouldn't let all the touch go away, and reached for one of Jane's hands to gently stroke it. She bobbed her head once in quick acceptance, and her gave Jane her brightest smile. "I'd love that, Jane, so much. Anywhere. Any time… But Jane? There is something I've been meaning to say, if I was ever lucky enough to get this chance."

"Maura, you know you can tell me anything, ask me anything." Jane laced her fingers with the doctor's. "What is it?"

Maura smiled, stood up from the desk, and raised on tiptoe to whisper against the smooth flesh of Jane's ear and neck, "You are _so_ not going to be the guy." Then she chuckled, throaty and low, at Jane's surprised gasp.

"I like a challenge." Jane smiled as she stole a kiss before turning to leave. "Pick you up at seven tonight." The detective swaggered out of the morgue with a chuckle of her own playing on her lips.


End file.
